Sunday, July 20, 2008

E!RN: Fox to Hound: Hands off my man!

NEW ALHIRA, DEMARIA/ - Bullets rang out late Thursday evening in an explosive shootout between legendary Lucky 13 heroine Ace and intergalactic terrorist Mika Tachyon! And because we've always got our fingers on the celebrity pulse, E!RN has the scoop!

Who is the mystery hunk who would tear such steadfast friends apart? Why, none other than Captain Vadim Tostanavich, owner of the newly-rebuilt Rockhopper's Haven and bonafide beefcake!

(The camera cuts to candid shots of an Ungstiri man with a five o' clock shadow drinking at an unknown locale, purchasing cigarettes at a Hancock Station duty-free kiosk, and sitting on the ramp of an unidentified black freighter.)

Our source tells us that things have been hot and heavy between the two kapitans since the tragic fall of Ungstir - that is, until a certain corsair got a load of her most trusted tovarisch's new squeeze! Unable to keep her paws off of anything that isn't hers, the Jackal snapped Tostanavich up from right under Ace's nose!

Never one to be played for a fool, the fox tracked the pair down to Demaria, where she caught them red-handed on a wild night on the town!

(Cut to footage of Mika with said Ungstiri man boozing and barhopping around New Alhira, followed by a separate clip of the clearly inebriated pair mugging for the cameras as they are ejected from Glimmercoat's by security.)

"Ace wasn't about to put up with that. She called Mika out on the landing field, then drew a gun and sicced a dog on her," says our source. "It was brutal! Mika returned fire before fleeing the scene with her new boytoy in tow!"

But don't count our beloved kapitan out yet! Eyewitnesses claim that she retreated to her ship... with her new Timonese lover! Stay tuned for our up-to-the-minute coverage of this sizzling new love affair!

- Sharpeye Rumorchaser, E!RN correspondent

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